Braaing, traditionally, has very specific rules of etiquette, firmly based on gender (like it or not – and of course, before the feminists get offended, yes, there are exceptions to every set of rules including the Braai Rules.)
Eleanor in our accounts department took time out of number crunching to alert those who may have forgotten since last Braai Season, just what these rules are.
BRAAI RULES
When a man volunteers to do the BRAAI the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
And, inevitably, we got a response from the men… specifically one Brent Smith who responded with the following:
BRAAI RULES – The Real Rules
When a man volunteers to do the BRAAI the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food with the MAN’S money.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert – what the hell are vegetables and dessert doing at a braai?
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand. -Nonsense. It's well known that the Braaimaster always prepares his own meat.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman – Fires are dangerous and can hurt you.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL and expertly monitors the transfer of energy from the combustive fuel to the meat.
More routine....
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery nags about the length of time it is taking to deliver perfection.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great.. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat – another untruth. The Braai #2 gets the beer for the Braaimaster
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. Braai #2
More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. – RUBBISH!
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. – Finally, the woman justifies her existence!
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
While there may be hundreds of little Indians dying on the battlefield, it can only be the CHIEF who gets the praise – it is the way it is.
